Okay here it is I started weight watchers yesterday, I was doing good. Then I wake up from the pain of my jaw (had oral surgery and have an incision in the back of my throat). I immediately think midnight snack! Ugh, so not good. So it was 3 am and midnight snack, man here we go spiraling out of control and went over points.Worst part of it is that I went to the gym tonight, for what?!?
So here's my question~ Why do I provide these temptations in my house? I know how they affect me yet I buy them. Anyone have any ideas how to get rid of this awful temptation? Every time I turn around I see chocolate (#1 temptation) and soda (#2 temptation).
I want to loose the weight so I can enjoy time with my girls running around and just being goofy, it hurts to come to the realization that I can't run around like I used to. Before kids I was a size 6, and well now oh we are so not going there..
I have struggled with eating disorders for years, yes years. I was twelve when I started having problems with eating disorders, they spiraled out of control for a long time. I am trying my best not to fall back into them and let me tell you it is really hard not to walk into a store and see all those diet pills and not want to grab a bottle. I know that it would only be a temporary fix, but it is still a temptation. I look around me and see all these beautiful women I know and admire and think to myself if only I were thinner! Don't get me wrong I love all these women and adore them, they are great friends and I would be devastated to loose them. I just struggle and have kept it in for so long that I tend to get sidetracked and think about down right stupid options, for example diet pills.
Why is it that our media and our stores have to make it so easy to just pick up diet pills? Seriously, this really frustrates me. Did you know that most girls start struggling with eating disorders at the early age of 9! My oldest daughter is 7, omg. I am frustrated, fluffy, and just plain irritated with how our media and worldly views say what a woman is supposed to look like. I am a mom of three and have been on a diet roller coaster most of my life, I want off! I want to do this the healthy way, I want to get on the right track and have someone support me. I know I am overweight and I want to change that for myself this time, not for everyone else. I need to do it for me, I need to be healthy and I know that right now I'm not.
So here's my conclusion, I need to loose weight and get healthy. My problem is I have no idea how to do it the healthy way. There is it, I completely admit it, I have bounced around for so long that I have no idea how to loose weight the healthy way and keep it off.
I have eaten healthy and I exercise, yet I don't seem to get anywhere. The doctors say with my past of eating disorders that it will be harder, I know it will be but I want and need to do it for myself NOW!
If you have some suggestions PLEASE let me know, I know I am beautiful on the inside and I love the person I am becoming. However I need to be healthy and have the desire to look at myself in the mirror without crying every time, yes every time. I avoid them because of this, oh and I need to fit into my clothes again!!!!
So ending in tears this early morning, I will keep praying that I find a healthy and successful way to stick to my weight watchers and hopefully some other healthy habits that will help me.. Thankful for the fact that I have a meeting tonight, maybe that will help with the umph I need to get more motivated.
Donna, it sounds to me like you are 1. WAY too hard on yourself, hon! Goals are great...but don't let them condemn you either. Conviction=hope to change, condemnation=lies that discourage!
ReplyDeleteAnd 2. You are doing well, doing a lot right from the sounds of it. Accountability is probably good so stick with Weight Watchers if it's something you enjoy...You are doing great!
Thanks Tara, I really appreciate it. I haven't been in weight watchers in 5 years. So I found myself very nervous last night at the meeting. I almost broke into tears as Stephanie called me over to get my weight. I am really happy that she was able to be the one to get me started last night, it was nice knowing someone. I am happy to say that I have lost weight and I am thrilled... Now I just have to stick to the plan and keep loosing. Last night at the meeting they were talking about being hard on ourselves and yup I will admit I sure am. I am working on alot right now and I suppose that should be one of them..
ReplyDeleteHope you are doing great, and thanks for being such a supportive friend.